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Now it’s really a shock — Trials and Tribulations of Marriage Pt 2

I heard a story today that really touched my heart but at the same time made me so incredibly angry.  There is a military spouse who is going through quite a few things right now and her husband has essentially abandoned her.

According to a few different sources who happen to be mutual friends of mine, the spouse suffers from severe depression.  No one knows because she is able to really keep it hidden for the most part.  Her husband has never been truly seen the negative affects of it.  However, he saw it a few days ago when she felt so unloved that she threatened to kill herself.  Understandably, he was very angry with her.  I would be too.  That is a serious and selfish thing to do.  However, he took it to a whole new level and just completely told her he couldn’t support her and needed time to get over his anger before he could do anything.
So what did he do?  He left her in TLF for days alone so she can sit and blame herself even more for her thoughts that she had, even though she didn’t go through with them.  He went out to dinner with classmates and friends and never once asked her if she needed food or was hungry.  Her final night in TLF she asked him to bring her something to eat because she was starving and he did.  Great for him (notice my sarcasm).  He refused to let her come to his graduation for a military accomplishment because as he put it “she was an embarrassment”.  So what did she do?  She waited in the lobby of TLF for FOUR HOURS all by herself until her husband decided to come get her and head home.
I dont condone her feeling the way she felt but I could definitely see how his actions could have potentially made things worse.  He up and abandoned her when she needed his support the most.  As I said in my last post, I take marriage vows very seriously.  Our vows say “for better or for worse — through thick and thin”.  I guess he just forgot all about those vows.  And to further more aggravate me come to find out years before they met he contemplated the same thing and a friend of his had to stop him from shoving a gun down his throat!!  So what makes him any different that he has to punish her for feelings THAT HE FELT YEARS PRIOR!!!!  He is no better and clearly shouldn’t be judging and making things worse by abandoning her.
You don’t up and walk away when things get hard.  You stay and find it within yourself to support someone.  If my husband ever came to me and said he felt like he would do something like that, I would be so angry but I would work with him to show him he has no reason to make a selfish decision like that.  I wouldn’t leave him in a hotel room, with no food, no car, and no one to lean on.
Shame on this husband for being so callous, evil and mean.  If she is reading this blog ever I want you to know something — no matter what you’re going through in life don’t ever feel like you have to leave the earth to because you have no other way out.  There are tons of people who are willing to be your support system and lift you up — me being one of them.
Until next time…..
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Is it really a shock? The trials and tribulations of marriage…

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Why is it such a shock to people when someone finally puts things in perspective.  I never understood that.  For example, when you tell someone “If you keep doing that then I am going to leave”  Well they continue to do it over and over for god knows how long and when you finally say “ok you either need to change or I am going to leave” all of a sudden they are shocked flabbergasted and hurt that things have come to that…..AM I MISSING SOMETHING?  I have a friend who was married three years ago to her husband (they have been together for 5 or 6 years)and while they seemingly have a good marriage they also have so many issues as well.

When they met about 6 years ago, they had a great attraction it seemed and she was about 30 lbs less than what she weighs now.  She gained that weight because she had a few health issues and unfortunately hasn’t been able to lose the weight it.  Although he has mentioned over the past few years that he has had some dislike with her weight gain, he has always said it has never been that much of an issue — enter in their sex life.  It’s pretty much non existent.  She LOVES sex and thinks its an important part of a relationship.  He thinks not and has stated on numerous occasions that he could go months without it.  However, he ALWAYS tells her that he will change and try more often but it NEVER happens.  She questions him all the time if it has to do with her weight gain and he always says no thats not the issue.  But he is notorious for telling her what she wants to her versus the truth.  He says its because he doesn’t want to hurt her, but what I don’t think he understands is that it hurts her more when he is not honest.  If he has an issue with her how can she ever fix it if he isn’t honest.  So after 3-4 years of him saying he is going to change and try more often and also years of him telling her what she wants to hear (aka lip service), she told him in February that if he doesn’t change she is going to consider a separation or divorce.  Now do I think she really wants to divorce him?  Absolutely not!  she loves him with everything in her, but she just wants him to change his ways.
Enter the dramatics that happened a few days ago.  So they haven’t seen each other for a little bit of time due to her travel for work so they were finally reuniting.  He once again promised her all these things and he completely didn’t follow through with them. So what did she do?  She finally had enough and said if he doesn’t change then she’s leaving and filling for divorce.  What is his response you ask?  His response is “I don’t like ultimatums so I refuse to change” LOL.  Yes you are reading that correctly.  Then he comes back with “I am so hurt that you were willing to walk away from the marriage”  So after she gave in and didn’t keep her word of leaving he is now telling her he doesn’t know if he wants to stay marriage.
I don’t quite understand this.  She has warned him over and over and over that this could potentially happen and when it does he turns it on her.  As you can imagine, they are having a ton of issues right now and don’t really know where they are going to go from here.
My heart breaks for her because she just wants to be happy with her husband, but some people just can’t be changed. It just baffles me that her husband still doesn’t take any accountability for his actions which caused her to want to give him the ultimatum.  Instead he wants to act super shocked and hurt that she would try and leave.  Is this what marriages these days have come to?  When you get married you take vows to one another — and if someone is unhappy or hurting you do your best to fix the issue even if it means altering your normal way of doing things.  Why get married and take those vows if your not willing to do that? Bottom line is– she is going to have to hold him accountable one day and deal with the aftermath or she is just going to stay in a marriage that is sexless and doesn’t 100% fulfill her.  What do you think she is going to do?  My vote is on the later…
Until next time..
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Zagreb, Croatia for NYE? Eh, why not! :-)

For NYE 2014, Mike and I decided to venture out to Zagreb, Croatia!  It was about 3.5 hours away from where we live in Italy.  Overall, it was a fun experience, but it definitely wasn’t one of my favorite cities so we probably won’t make that trip back.

The city is the capital of Croatia and it is absolutely beautiful!  I didn’t expect it to be as cold as it was with so much snow or ice on the ground, but being that we never see snow or ice in Italy, I was NOT complaining.  They even have this museum called the Museum of Broken Relationships which is supposed to be kind of funny/depressing all in one.  I was dying to go check it out but the day we had free it was CLOSED!

I can do without the food in Zagreb, to be honest with you.  We went to one of the most top rated restaurants and I had overcooked duck and Mike had lamb that seemed to never hit the damn stove lol.  But we ate at a place called Rocket Burger and its a hole in the wall burger joint with 3-4 selection but my goodness that shit was ON POINT!  That place would be the only reason I went back to ZaGreb lol.

All in all, regardless of what we liked and didn’t like, I am just happy to see another year with the love of my life so I couldn’t ask for much more.  Oh and Ohio state Football is headed to the nationals.  With a 6 hour time difference we stayed up until after 6am to watch the game and thank goodness we did because it was a good one. Side note: Mike is from Ohio and is the BIGGEST Ohio State fan so no matter where we are, he puts everything on hold for his Buckeyes!!

Happy Fucking New Year!!!! 🙂

Pics of Zagreb to follow in my next post!

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Have I said how much I love FOOD?!

So as I have probably mentioned in all my other posts I love food! I enjoy cooking food and eating it, even more!!

So I think it’s only fitting to rave about the food I had for lunch today!

Let me preface this post by saying while Italy has tons of amazing restaurants, we live in an area that caters to Americans since there’s a military base right there! So most of the food is touristy and in my opinion not truly authentic!

However today, I was craving a good pasta! So I had plans to meet with my girlfriend for lunch and we agreed to one of the most touristy restaurants in Aviano! I couldn’t decide what I wanted and then she suggested the CRAB GNOCCHI!!!

We are both from Maryland so YOU KNOW we love anything crab! If you still don’t get the crab/MD reference you must be living life under a rock lol.

Well, I was hesitant considering how touristy the restaurant is but god damn that shit was AMAZING!!! I can not rave enough about it! While it may not look appealing, it really is! There was so much jumbo lump crab in it and the sauce was so rich and creamy while not being over heavy! It was almost better than an orgasm…ALMOST and for that it deserved a post:)

If your ever in the Aviano area by all means go to The Spaghetti House and ask for the crab gnocchi! You won’t be disappointed!

Any that my friends was my foodie post of the day! Lol

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Let’s talk about Italia!

I am going to take this post as a good time to vent about a little country I call Italy!  First let me start by saying this:  Italy is a BEAUTIFUL country!  We live up north by the mountains and I will never tire of the amazing sites I can see right outside of my house. Oh and the food…lawd Jesus the food is AMAZING!!  America could learn a thing or two about how to cook authentic Italian food.  It’s not heavy like American-Italian food.  Although if I am being honest I would have to say I do crave a piece of Papa John’s with garlic sauce here and there lol.  Don’t judge!  But my favorite thing here?!  I can drink a “spritz” or a glass of wine at 11:00am and not feel like an alcoholic!  Apparently, it’s the norm here and I really appreciate that!!!

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With that being said, however, there are quite a few things that completely frustrate me about Italy and really make me appreciate the good ole US of A!  For starters, NOTHING stays open past 8 or 9pm.  Not a gas station, not a grocery story, not even a fucking porter potty!!  Nothing…Nada…Zip….Zilch!  I am so used to the convenience of if I forgot some tomatoes or milk, I could run to the grocery store, 7-11, that local convenience store on the corner, whatever!!  That is just impossible here even on base.  Another issue I have (and yes it is a selfish one but SO WHAT!), is I can’t run any of my appliances at the same freaking time!  Let me break it down for ya!  I can run the washer, but can’t run the dryer at the same time.  I can run the oven, but can run the dishwasher at the time.  Do you know how long it takes to do a fucking load of laundry???  Well, to be honest I don’t either bc the fiance does all of the laundry but I am sure he can’t be too happy with having to deal with that! I’m just saying!

Work is also a big issue here.  In Italy, Americans can not work on the Italian economy.  The only jobs available for us are the jobs on base.  Well that would be fine if they didn’t give all the jobs on base to the Italians!  WTF!  I got lucky and was able to find a job within my first few months here but I feel bad for a lot of my friends who like me, are NOT stay at home moms/wives and want to work but can’t.

Of all these things that I have complained about to far can you believe not one of them is my biggest pet peeve with Italy?!  My biggest pet peeve here has to be the lack of respect and common courtesy from some Italians!  I am sorry, but some Italians are fucking rude!  If I accidentally run over someones foot with my shopping cart my natural reaction is to stop and apologize.  Oh not here in Italy!!!  They just keep on going…like nothing happened.  Some Italians walk right in front of you when your in line, it is just so incredible frustrating.  And I swear I do NOT think they have seen many black folks in their lives.  Especially black folks that are engaged to Caucasian individuals lol.  I can only shake my head at that and remember that there is a different type of culture here versus the US!

But even with all of these pet peeves and gripes, I am 100% grateful to have the opportunity to live in Europe.  I will get to see things and places that some people never will in a lifetime!  And so far I have made some great friends—American AND Italian!

We are here until 2016, so here is to hoping my feet will survive the massive run of shopping carts until then…. ;-/

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Woah…I think it’s time for an update!!

Holy Shit!!!  I can’t believe I haven’t updated this blog in over a year!  Actually, I can!  I have been so damn busy that this blog didn’t even cross my mind until right now lol.  When I originally started this blog in 2013, it was meant as an outlet for me to express some of my thoughts and how I was feeling.  Sadly at the exact time when I started this blog I was so busy and overwhelmed with LIFE that I never fully had the chance to adapt and get accustomed to being a “blogger” lol.  Well, things haven’t really calmed down much, but now more than ever I need an outlet for my feelings so I am going to try this blogging shit again and see what happens lol.

It’s so funny, because as I sit back and reach some of my first posts, I was in a completely different place at that time almost 2 years ago — so much has changed!  For one, I got engaged in June 2013 to my boyfriend of 2.5 years.  That was a big shock but a good one none the less.  We may fight a lot and we are polar opposites, but I truly love him more than life itself.  We also moved to Italy for the US Air Force…yea thats a whole separate blog post/rant in itself.  Look for that shit soon!!!  Finally, I am 3 months away from getting married.  FUCKING CRAZY!!!

Anyway, cheers to trying this blogging thing again and not pulling my hair out at the stress of planning a wedding from another damn country!! Salud!!!

From our engagement shoot.  --Summer, 2014
From our engagement shoot. –Summer, 2014