One of those days…

Today was just one of those days where I just felt so down and out.  A few years ago I was very active and an avid dancer.  I used to cheer for a few teams one being the Baltimore Blast.  I was so in shape, thin and very confident with myself and my body….



Well, fast forward 4 or 5 years and I have definitely gained some weight.  About 40lbs to be exact lol.  Now, I am only about 5’0 so my average weight should be about 110.  Well I was always around 130 when I was cheering because a lot of it was muscle.  Add 45 lbs onto that and you can imagine what I look like now.  If you can’t here is a picture so you get an idea.



As you can see, I do not think I am “fat” per say, as I do think I handle my weight somewhat well, but I am out of shape.  On top of that, in November Mike (my boyfriend), brought up that I have let myself go and while he still thinks I am beautiful/gorgeous, my weight is making him a tad bit less attracted to me.  Now, I was pissed!!!  We argued about it because I just felt like I was the same person he met a year later AND the same size.  You didn’t have a fucking problem then, right? lol.  Well from that day on a made a promise to myself that I will get it together and lose the weight…FOR ME!  That was November and its now March and while I was doing good for awhile I just hit a brick wall where I wasn’t losing anything.  Recently I ordered some cardio videos and I am working out EVERYDAY, watching what I eat but its still so frustrating because I have gained lbs, but lost inches.  WTH?!?!  My father told me yesterday that I looked like I lost weight, but I am not seeing it.

I know I have to keep pushing myself, but sometimes, I wish Mike would take the time to motivate me and compliment me here and there.  When you feel like no one notices then you become so frustrated and down on yourself. Like I said, it’s been one of THOSE DAYS where I just feel so ugly, unattractive and defeated.  I really hope days like these just push me a little harder :-/

We are going to the Outer Banks for Memorial Day Weekend so my goal is to look somewhat bathing suit ready by then so I have less than two months.  Wish me luck…


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